Guest Entry -- Charles Whetsel

(HI CAMPERS: WE HAVE A GUEST BLOGGER TODAY, CHARLES WHETSEL -- UBer thunder49 -- WHO WON ONE OF THE QUALIFYING HEATS AND PLAYED IN SATURDAY'S FINAL. HERE'S HIS REPORT ON HIS QUALIFIER. TAKE IT AWAY, CHARLES!)

John,

I won last week's ub tournament at Hollywood Park.  I wrote a report on it, thought you might be interested in reading it.

You're going to think, how easy it is to say these things, since he won the 10,000. But, even if Amy Neald had kept the lead she took late in Saturday's UltimateBet.net World Poker Challenge, that weekend in LA would still have been one of the most memorable weekends of my life. The crew broadcasts poker tournaments all the time. Matt Savage told us he was on the road with poker in one fashion or another for 35 straight days. But, July 15^th and 16^th in Los Angeles, we were the stars and they treated us accordingly.

I was the winner of the 5^th in a series of tournaments featuring players from across the country who qualified on the web site. Three others from the tournament I qualified in and two from a similar freeroll met at the Renaissance Montura in Los Angeles to be prepared for and then play for the 10 grand.

I began my journey to LA at 2:30 AM EDT on the 15^th, and drove to Harrisburg, PA. I was ticketed to fly to Philadelphia, then on to LA. However, electrical storms were fouling up the schedule and I was rerouted. That was the weekend's first anxious moment. Do not be messin' with my chance to win 10 G's, do you hear? I actually arrived in Southern California before I was scheduled to though.

All of the players were met by a limo driver, Sammy at LAX. What a mad house. The terminal was as thick with travelers as the LA air was with smog. I had Sammy pose for a picture next to the limo as he let me off at the hotel. Not too touristy was it?

Upon check-in, I was directed to one of the meeting rooms where Mark Shah was conducting interviews with the players as they arrived. Amy Heald (Nino) was in the spotlight when I opened the door. Aric Erickson and I checked in at the same time. Aric did his interview while I changed into something that didn't look like it had been in an airplane for 5 ½ hours and came back down for mine. They didn't need us again until 6:30.

I struggled with a very important decision at that time. Do I go to Hollywood Park and check out the place? Do I watch some races at a track I'd only seen on TV before? Do I touch the cards? Or do I stay and catch a nap. I decided to stay. I couldn't sleep. Who needs sleep? I didn't come here to sleep!

We gathered in the hotel lobby to be then be taken to see the set. From the beginning, we all really got along well. We were going to try to rip each others' throats out in less than 24 hours, but for now, we were friendly, soon to become friends.

There was Jaime Mojica, a uniform salesman from Lake Worth, Florida; Melanie Tomlinson a chocolate candy sales rep from Charlotte, North Carolina; Dr. Chris Louie from Colorado, Erickson from Chico, California and Nino from Cincinnati. We piled on the shuttle with Courtney Hargis from UB and Matt Savage the tournament director and went to Hollywood Park. The alternate was from Massachusetts; his name escapes me. Tomlinson was the alternate from the tournament I won my spot on. One of the qualifiers didn't show, so she got to play. She looked like she would be tough to beat by half way through our tournament.

I have made a suggestion to Ultimate Bet. They should make our set a background on the website. You can choose from the desert, Las Vegas, Aruba(my favorite), London and a blank screen now. This set would make a nice choice.

We met with the director, discussed the show and dealt the cards for seating selection. I was in seat two between the two women. Erickson was seat six, Louie to his right, next to Mojica. We even dealt for the button. The good Doctor would be the dealer. At the time, we didn't know what Chris did for a living. Word leaked out the next morning that we had a Doctor in our midst. He kept the mood light at our table. While it looked like he may have been getting under our collective skin, I took a poll and most of us didn't even notice.

We ate at the Renaissance and the food was wonderful. Usually the producer shares dinner with the players on Friday night, but most of these people were working the WSOP in Vegas and had just gotten to LA. In fact, throughout the night, we were getting updates on the Main Event final table. No offense, but how could that possible compare to our event?

I must say that everyone involved in serving us, filming us, preparing us and feeding us treated us like we were at the Main Event. They seemed to realize that to us, this was the Main Event.

A few of us discussed traveling back to Hollywood Park to play a little poker. By the end of dinner, and 5 or 6 Coronas, we decided to pack it in. Sleep, which has been difficult for me to get lately, was necessary. I was asleep by 11:00. And awake again at 3:30. I could sleep no more.

Watch a little British Open, deal some hands, read some Super System, order breakfast, call the family and friends get ready and go. We met at 8:15 in the hotel lobby and were at the Casino by 9.

The set, quiet the night before was abuzz. It was as if the strands of cable taped to the floor leading into the set each had its own attendant. And there was a makeup girl. This seemed to be a bigger feature for the women. What could they do to make us guys look attractive? They even tried to give me eyebrows but they didn't take. While you were watching commercials on the program, makeup was coming in and touching us up. Some of those hands were quite sweaty.

John Vorhaus, the show's commentator met with each of us to find out a little bit more than we'd answered on our questionnaires. He liked my one liners. During the show, he commented that my description of Hold 'Em was the best he'd heard...every hand is like another Christmas present. Of course, most of them are lumps of coal.

The poker

Having spent enough time with the participants to know a little about them, sitting at a table where we'd try to beat each other was more comfortable than I'd imagined. I'd just spent a total of 12 hours, alone in my room, thinking about the play that was about to unfold. And we'd been told of the escalating blind structure and the terror that we were about to experience. Still I was calm as the program began. Just before the first deal, tournament director Matt Savage said, "if you are afraid to go out, you won't win." That stuck in my mind.

My approach was to see how hands were being played and make decisions according to the developing patterns. And, I didn't really get a good hand until dealt big slick about ten hands or so in. I raised and Aric Erickson called. The flop didn't hit me, but there was a queen on the board. I bet the pot and after thinking for some time, Aric folded his jacks. Could have been a bad move for me had an overcard not given Aric second thoughts about those jacks. John had a great line about then, "there are three ways to play pocket jacks...all of them wrong."

The commentators focused on Dr. Louie who was the most talkative at the table. Savage communicated that we should be lively while the game was going on and Chris surely was. Contrary to the announcers' beliefs, he didn't bother the other players. I'm not sure about Amy Heald's thoughts on Louie but the rest of us agreed that he was not a distraction.

The Doctor was first out. While his stack was too small to cause any problems when he went out, I hurt him with my second big slick. This one was suited. He had some success early and I was on the button when he bluffed at the pot with a raise to 1200. I reraised to 2400 and he folded. That hand commenced his demise. It was one of the hands not shown on the program.

For the first hour and a half, I stayed right around the amount of chips we'd been given to start with. But the stack was dwindling when I was dealt AQ off suit and was raised all-in by Jaime Mojica. We talked about it for awhile and I finally gave it up. He had jacks.

On the next hand, Melanie Tomlinson stole the blinds by getting me to fold A7 off. Vorhaus commented that I had stated that I would be out if I lost on the previous hand, and had given Tomlinson permission to push me around on the next. I then was dealt KJ off and quickly went all in. John said that it looked like I had been pushed around enough and decided it was time to push back. He was right on with that statement. Melanie thought about it for awhile but eventually folded. I was right back in it and took a huge step toward winning it within a couple of hands.

I raised with pocket 6's and Jaime called. I was on the button and when a six fell on the flop, Jamie bet into me. I quickly went all-in and Jaime called. He thought I missed on the flop and was stunned to see the set of sixes. My boat filled in and I doubled up to the chip lead. Then it was time to use the stack I just took.

I felt bad for Jaime when he made a mistake a few hands later. He thought he was in the big blind and put 2400 in chips in the pot. His 2-5 off wasn't good enough to cover his mistake and he was crippled. In fact, he moved all in with big slick, beating my K-Q a few hands later. Had he had his blind there, he could have made his way back in.

One of Jaime's best qualities is that never give up, never surrender feature. When we were playing our qualifier on Ultimate Bet, Jaime, jamking, was down to a few thousand chips at the final table. He looked dead and gone when he hit a few hands and snuck into the tournament. He did it again on the short stack at our table. But he finally went out fourth. Aric had gone fifth earlier. Aric was very quiet for the tournament; just couldn't catch a thing.

So, I was chip leader, Amy was second and Melanie had fallen to a distant third. Melanie was crippled when she attempted to knock two players out at once. Jaime was knocked out and Amy held pocket queens...for the third or fourth time in the game. That shifted the game toward Amy.

Heads Up

I had a 46,000 to 14,000 chip lead when heads up began. Usually, heads up can go for a while, but once again, the blind structure forces the short stack to act aggressively. And Amy did by going all in with A8 off. She was resigned to her fate when I revealed big slick for the fourth time in the tournament. The flop was A69. Fourth Street was a 5 and the river a seven to give Amy a double up and send my forehead to the table. I still had the lead but after two surrenders, Amy took the lead.

How quickly things change. My friends noticed that the show's time slot was almost over and thought I was done. But when I saw 10-J of diamonds, I quickly went all in. Out of turn. I hate it when I do that. I apologized to Amy but it gave her some information. She decided to call with her ace anyway.

My thought was diamonds, diamonds, and the flop had two of them. All I could think was, come on, one more diamond. I barely even noticed that I had picked up a pair of ten's on the flop. The flush filled out on the river and for all intents and purposes I had come back and won the tournament. Amy had 2,000 chips to my 58,000.

Amy doubled up on the next hand but it was over on the next. You should have spent those last hands in my brain. While I think I kept pretty cool on the outside, on the inside I was thinking, "how cruel, to put it into my hands like that and then yank it away." Every poker player on earth has gone through it, but I really needed the money. We don't need to go life story just yet, but this was like a godsend.

I immediately put in phone calls to all my friends and family. My wife wasn't home, my son Andy answered his cell phone. I declared to him that I was out of the tournament. He said, "really?" He sounded a bit disappointed. And I said, "Yea, I'm out in first place...I won!" And the congratulations began to roll in. Some didn't want to know in advance of seeing the show, some couldn't stand to wait.

I was so excited, I forgot to tip the dealers. I was not carrying much cash so I gave Darren Atkinson 20 bucks and told him I'd mail he and Sandie Selzer the rest of 100 bucks apiece. But the best tip of the night hadn't happened yet.

Melanie wanted to see the Commerce Casino but it was a 50 dollar cab ride away. I was short on cash, so she loaned me 100 dollars. I said that I would pay the way out and she and Jaime could split the ride back. It was the least I could do. So, I had 140 in one hand and 60, for the cabbie in the other. Sure enough, when I went to buy chips at the Commerce, I only had 60 in my pocket. Not only was I lucky that day, so was the cabbie. I'm sure he could put the 90 dollar tip to good use.

The Commerce is surely huge. But, I wound up playing on a 3-6 table tucked into a corner in what smelled like the center of a well used wok. I'm sure I smelled like Kung Pao when I left. The smell was so thick I caught myself chewing from time to time.

And I didn't get any cards while I was there either. I won one hand in two hours and watched players push their chips around like they were matchsticks. They played anything and everything. Made the pots huge. I donated my 60 bucks and walked around. This is supposed to be where the stars play and I didn't see any of them.

Calls started to come from people who'd seen the show when it ran in the east. We hurried back to the Renaissance and turned the tv on in my room just as the show was starting. By the way, the cabbie did not get a 90 dollar tip on the way back.

Watching the show was interesting. For the first time, we found out what our opponents had in the hole. Melanie was very pleased with herself when she saw herself bluff me off A7 and AJ. She was shocked though when she saw me take her blind with 10-9 suited.

The people

I must say that the most lasting impression I'll have of the whole event is of the people I met. From the production crew to the announcers to the makeup lady to the cameramen and dealers, we were treated like royalty. The people I played against were good sports and good players. I won, but in a format like that one, there's a lot of luck involved. I caught the right cards at the right time and was fortunate to not have a fatal loss when I was throwing my chips around.

This week could be entirely different. But not if I have anything to do with it. I'm not changing a thing. I'll be wearing the same clothes, eating the same food and thinking the same thoughts...that this is the greatest opportunity to make 200,000 dollars I've ever had.

-- Charles Whetsel

The View from the Winner's Circle

Yeah, from left to right that's me, Klassen, Charlie, Jon, Paul, Sean, Phil and Billy.

Couple of changes today on the broadcasting front. Barry Tomkins was off in Turkey on vacation, with the extremely able Mike Goldberg filling his seat. Also, we added a third chair, and filled it with the aforementioned ebullient PH. I'd never worked a TV broadcast with Phil (as you know, I'd never worked a TV broadcast with anyone before this gig) and let me tell you -- though I know this won't surprise you -- Phil makes everyone's job easier. Of course he knows poker, and of course he's not shy about sharing his insights and also his opinions. For myself and Mike, this created the opportunity to "lay out" (TV-announcer-speak for "shut the heck up") and let Phil do his thing. I mean this with all fondness and no small amount of respect: Phil, like gas, expands to fill the available space.

As in weeks past, the tournament action was of surprisingly high quality. Or no, that's really not surprising, given that five of these six had already won a match of this very structure and came to the table highly confident in what they were up to and how they intended to play. I sensed that the sixth player at the table, Paul Hipworth, was at a real disadvantage. Paul had qualified to play in this match just earlier in the week online, and because of that he didn't have the same TV table experience that the others had. In a tournament playing as fast as this one, it can be half over for you before you know it. I won't tell you how Paul fared -- you know I refuse to play spoiler -- but you could tell that it was taking him a little while to find his feet.

Speaking of finding one's feet, today I had the odd experience of being the veteran man on the broadcast team. With just five prior broadcasts under my belt, I was suddenly the "old hand." Weird. And yet, it made me feel good -- and showed me how steep my own learning curve has been -- that I could fill in Mike and Phil on the vagueries of this little poker show of ours. I thnk I'm starting to get the hang of this job.

Which makes me SO DAMN SAD IT'S OVER!!! Did you ever do a play in high school? Whether you acted in it or worked crew, the moment that the show closed was always the most intensely bittersweet. You were happy it was done, and looking forward to the cast party (where your drama teacher promised to sneak in beer, but that's another story). Yet at the same time, you couldn't help feeling like you were watching something terribly precious recede in your rearview mirror. That's how I felt today. That's how I feel right now. The show is over, and though I'm a big boy and not given to tears, I can't help feeling, well, wistful. Not to shill for future employment, but I personally and fervently hope that the powers-that-be decide this was an experiment worth repeating. It's been a fun, fun ride, and I'm selfish enough to want to ride again.

Do you want to know who won? You know I'm not inclined to play spoiler, but just this once I will. In fairness, I'll give you fair warning, though, and if you're planning on watching the broadcast and want to keep the suspense in it for yourself, I suggest you stop reading now.

WARNING!!!

SPOILER AHEAD!!!

seriously

not kidding now

if you don't want to know who won

you have to stop reading

NOW!!!

Still here? Okay, don't say I didn't warn you.

And the winner is...

... no, not Phil Hellmuth, silly; the guy standing next to him. Highroller48, William "Billy the Kid" Hill, of the University of Maryland and, now, the pantheons of poker glory. Winner of the first ever Ultimatebet.net Poker Challenge. Whatever else happens in his life, he has that to put on his resume, and it's gonna look great on his resume.

I won't give you any more details of the match -- I'm not that big a spoiler -- but I will tell you this: that both Billy and the second-place finisher have been invited to come to Aruba in September -- all expenses paid -- and join the field of the Aruba Poker Classic. Who knows? We could even have a repeat there of today's final clash. And not for nothing, but I thought it was a class gesture on the part of UB to extend the invitation. It was nice icing on the cake for Billy and a damn fine consolation prize for the number two man.

Finally, I can't say enough about the competitors. Everyone played great, solid poker today, and everyone deserves to feel proud of their effort. I know there was disappointment -- there's always disappointment in a poker tournament -- but I hope that the disappointment was tempered by at least a little joy at just being there and basking in the glow of the TV lights. Life doesn't wash all that many treasures up on our beach; we owe it to ourselves to cherish the ones that come.

That's certainly how I feel about my role as Mr. Poker Color Commentary Guy. I may never get the chance to play that role again, and though the show has closed and I do feel sad, I'm happy to have gotten the chance to play on that playground. It was a trip, I'm telling you that right now.

I've always thought that everybody has two resumes: their professional resume, and their whole-life resume. The professional resume tells the world what you've done and what you are capable of doing. The whole-life resume reminds you what you've done with your life, and why it was important, and why it's to be cherished. I thnk this TV gig will look okay on my professional resume, but it looks FRICKING GREAT on my whole-life resume, and to me that's the one that matters most.

Okay, campers, between this blog and the WSOP beast, I'm pretty well blogged out now. I'm gonna shut it down, but only for about eight weeks. Aruba happens in just two months' time, and you know I'll be there to try and let you see it happen through my eyes. I hope you'll follow along, but more than that I hope you'll try to be there. It's the party of the year, and it just won't be the same without you.

More later, -jv

Running on Empty

TV with a Side of Clams

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Here's another one of these twin blogentries, so if you've been following the WSOP blog, go check out the UltimateBet.Net Poker Challenge blog, and if you've been following the UBNPC blog, go check out the WSOP blog, and if you've been watching the baseball game or the golf, why, just keep on doing that.)

We've wrapped the broadcast here at the Hollywood Park Casino, and I'm just waiting to fix an audio "clam." A clam is an error on air, and it can be one of many things. Maybe someone (usually me) miscalled a hand, or maybe somebody (usually me) failed to note a raise, or maybe someone (usually me) used a no-no word. In this case, weirdly, the no-no word was "dollar." Since players can enter this tournament on a freeroll through UltimateBet.net, there's a very strong Chinese Wall between the fact of this tournament and the fact that, in the real world of poker, money sometimes changes hands. So even though a tournament may use virtual dollars of a certain assigned values, around here they're "chips, only chips, and nothing but the chips, so help us God." And so I wait to do the fix, before catching my flight back to Vegas, and picking up the action there, probably not until late tonight or tomorrow.

I'm not altogether sure I'm using the word "estimable" correctly. I think I mean "worthy of esteem," but it could be that I'm saying "able to estimate." Well, as the guy who said "dollars" instead of "chips," I gave up on being perfect a long long time ago.

Not for nothing, this was a gutsy little tournament. Everyone played great, no one made any serious mistakes and, truly, it was anybody's ball game for most of the match. I don't like to give you too many spoiler details in case you want to watch the broadcast, but this was a match worth watching and you might want to check it out. Interestingly, two of the six players had literally only learned of the tournament by watching it on TV. They signed up, downloaded the software, made the cut, and here they were. Truly this is poker at its most egalitarian.

Meanwhile, back in Vegas, the WSOP main event has already come to an end for more than 50 of the Day 1c starters.

 If they hurry home, they can still make the start of tonight's freeroll on UltimateBet.net.

Another World

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: This is a clone blogentry on both my WSOP blog and my FSN Ultimatebet.net Poker Challenge blog, so if it doesn't make complete sense on the blog you're reading it on, for goodness' sake, go to the other blog and catch up!)

Two hundred and fifte miles away acrosss the Mojave Desert, the second first day of the World Series of Poker main event is starting to wind, or grind, down. Out here by the Pacific Ocean, it's hard for me to know who the winners and the losers are, and I trust that if this is information you need, you'll ferret it out from other sources.

But I'm here to tell you that here, where the six hopeful contestants for tomorrows UBNPC have gathered to do battle, it's a whole different head. No pretense. No pressure. Just average joes (and a jane) without a whole lot of poker experience, certainly without any poker fame, preparing to do their best to snag a tournament purse of $10,000. Ten grand. That's what it takes just to enter the WSOP, right?

But though these people are competing for a much smaller chunk of change, their commitment is no less fervid. And in many ways more genuine, because for the working pros of the tournament circuit, the WSOP is just another stop along the way, but for these six, it may be their first, last, and only chance to grasp that poker stardom we were talking about before.

To let you hear them for yourself, I dragged my computer to the pre-tournament dinner tonight and asked them to greet you in their own words. Here's what they had to say. Truer, or at least more authentic, words were never spoken.

Ann Wygle- jetdog

Greetings World! I have been instructed by the great Mr. V. not to give away any secrets, I would like the world to know how blessed I feel to have this experience playing poker. It is only through the rock solid support of my husband Brian and my son Andrew that I have had these successes. Thanks for believing in me guys! I love you!

Mike Hamilton - Highlife209 

Thanks to Ultimatebet.net!  Two weeks ago I'd never seen the show, and now I'm on it.  This can happen to anyone.  Keep trying and remember it's only a game.  (At least that's what my glorious girlfriend and best friend Brie tells me.)  Good luck to you and thanks to all my friends and family for their support!  I love you guys!!!

Larry Fichter - willyfink

(sorry Larry, I screwed up your photo -- you'll have to settle for a shot of my onion soup instead)

I'd like to say that I completely expected to be playing poker for a couple hundred grand tomorrow, but I'd be completely lying (not that poker players lie or anything).  The past 5 days have been unbelievable and it really is pretty surreal that I'm playing on TV tomorrow.  My wife, Mary Beth, can't believe it, but she's full of support and just tells me to not be a head case.  I'd go on about my strategy for the tournament, but it's simple just like everyone else playing…Win.  If I can't win, at least don't make a complete fool of myself.  Talk to you some more in two weeks right before the championship!

Sean Diskin - SeanDegreat

I like to say this has been one of the greatest experiences of my life so far. I keep thinking it is a dream and I will wake up. This week has been great telling my family and friends that I will be on T.V. and playing for 10,000 dollars. I just like to thank U.B. for this wonderful experience and my first time on T.V. which hopefully will not be my last.

I would like to thank UB for giving me the chance to be here. If I don't win, it will not be a loss for me. Being here is everything for me. Thanks UB.

I think it's every poker player's dream to be at the final table playing on T.V. It's been a wonderful experience for me. I'd like to thank U.B. for giving me the opportunity to live out this poker player's dream. Thanks again.

--

Folks, this poker world is a big tent. It's big enough to hold 6000 entrants to the WSOP main event, but big enough also to contain just six eager contenders sleeping fitfully tonight awaiting tomorrow's moment in the sun. If our hearts are equally big, we can wish all 6000 and six of them well.

Thoughts at 30K Feet

In the short time I've been working for Fox Sports Net as Mr. Poker Color Commentary Guy, I've enjoyed the steepest learning curve of my life since, perhaps, I learned to tie my shoes. Though I'm comfortable in groups and not shy about speaking in public, learning to work the microphone, talk into the right camera, and master the delicate art of "thinking ahead" as a I frame and voice an idea… these are all new skills, and I am about as raw and new in learning them as a man of middle age can be.

As my learning curve has steepened, of course, so have my expectations. During the first broadcast I was all hope I don't suck or even just hope I don't suck too bad. By the second week, I was looking to sharpen my game, step away from diatribes and engage my co-host, the estimable Barry Tomkins, in dialogue instead. This resulted in my stepping on his lines with shocking frequency. So once again I looked to tweak my game, this time simply by turning my chair to look at Barry's TV monitor, rather than my own, so that I could also watch him out of the corner of my eye and note when he was getting ready to speak.

Now week four is upon me. I'm flying from LV to LA to prep for the broadcast, and tomorrow I will find myself in what has quickly become a familiar routine. I'll arrive at the Hollywood Park Casino around 8:30 AM. If the past is prologue, I'll be the first one into and out of makeup. For the next hour or so I'll kibitz with the players in this week's competition, teasing out of them some personal tidbits that I can later weave into my broadcast. ("You may not believe it, Barry, but Joe from Chicago has a huge collection of Care Bears. 2100 at last count, and he knows every one of them by name.") Then the broadcast will start, with Barry and me doing an on-camera introduction to the show.

This is the hardest part for me, because I have about 12 seconds to be cogent and clear, and also poker-pithy. Those who have followed this blog know that last week I tried to get to "fortune favors the bold" and landed instead on "go bold and take care of the table." Tomorrow… who know? Maybe, "Only tine will tell, Barry, which of these six will fork up."

Once the stand-up is done, we'll settle in at the broadcast table, don our headsets, and get ready to report on the action. Our video monitors will show the players, the cards they hold, their odds of winning the hand, and of course the flop-turn-river, as revealed. Program producer Jon Faratsis will be barking "traffic" in our ears, telling us what segments or cutaways to expect next. This is another "learning curve" agenda for me. I have found it a challenge to speak and listen at the same time, to drive my own thought through to conclusion even as my headphones fill with, "Ten seconds to commercial." And I thought only Joan of Arc heard voices.

The hours will pass. There will be mistakes. Some will go unnoticed, or not glaring enough to warrant correction. Others will be egregious. Maybe I'll mis-call a hand, or fail to notice a player walking away from the table. I might flub an interview, call Joe from Chicago Bill from Toledo instead. It's bound to be something. But with grace, charity, and the blessed second-chance of overdubbing, whatever I screw up can probably be fixed in post. Then we'll get to the interview with the winner, a final on-camera interview (overdubs of screwups) and I'll be outta there. Back on a plane to Las Vegas. Back to my other job of blogging the WSOP.

Over the years I have found myself in many odd corners of the world. My book The Comic Toolbox has garnered me invitations to teach writing in countries from New Zealand to Nicaragua. Everywhere I go, I often find myself stopping and marveling, "Where am I now? How did I get here?" Folks, the Hollywood Park Casino is in my own back yard. I go there frequently to play poker. It's as familiar to me as the Outback Steakhouse my mom likes to go to. But when I walk past that TV set and into that broadcast room, I'm entering a strange realm, a real as foreign and exotic to me as New Zealand or Norway or any other place on the globe I have been. "O brave new world," said Shakespeare, "that has such creatures in't." Well, I'm the creature in the brave new world now. Make no mistake: I hope to parlay this one-off into a steady gig. I like being in front of the camera and in front of the mic. I think I'm okay at it; I know there aren't all that many people who can talk about poker on TV without freaking out completely, so if I can avoid the freakout part, perhaps I can build this career.

In the meantime, four weeks into the trip, I'm still just trying hard not to suck. So wish me luck. The cameras roll in just half a day.

More later, -jv

Come Bold and Take Care of the Table

2 Fast But Not 2 Furious

Here's the deelio. The structure of the Ultimatebet.net Poker Challenge is fast, admittedly fast, so fast that it seems like there's nothing to do but ride the rising blinds and hope that you run into the right hands at the right time, and that your hands hold up. And yeah, the tournament is fast. Once the tape starts rolling, it's gonna be three hours till we're done (as my malapropistically inclined shop teacher used to put it), "Come hell or hot water." So, yeah, the blinds do rise fast, but it's not a complete crap shoot, at least not if the first two weeks of the competition are any indication. Class will out, folks, even in the speed trap that is the UBNPC. And again, I don't wanna go all spoiler on you by telling you exactly how the class came out today, but let me just say this: If you're still intending to enter this thing, and if you're lucky and skilled enough to qualify, then when you get to the TV table, plan on going strong -- real strong -- from the opening gun. This, it would seem so far, is the path to dominance in a tournament structured like this.

But there's another way of looking at it, and it's an object lesson for all us tournament players. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what the tournament structure is. Your job -- my job, everybody's job -- is not to lament the structure or wish it were otherwise. Rather, our job is to adjust to what is, and to make our moves accordingly. In tournament poker, as in evolution (if the proponents of intelligent design haven't moved you off that concept by now) the rule is "adapt or die." Well, today, one shrewd player adapted, and if you watch the broadcast tonight at eleven, or you have seen it already by the time you read this blog, then you'll know who stepped up to the challenge of being 2 furious and just the right amount of fast.

Meanwhile, the ongoing education of yours most humbly truly continued as I banked my second week as color commentator for the broadcast. I guess I didn't completely stink out the joint during the first week, because no one called and told me not to bother showing up again. (Though the producer did say of my performance, "I was very relieved." To which I replied, "So was I.") I'd rate my work today as, well, okay. I think if anything I came in a little too loose, a little too relaxed. It caused me to make some unforced errors, as you'll see if you watch the broadcast. In tournament poker announcing, as in tournament poker itself, it's great to be confident, but, gang, let's not get cocky.

I added some new words to my vocabulary. "Stick" is TV talk for hand-held microphone, as in, "You, Vorhaus, you're on stick two." And "flag" is the placard they put on the microphone to identify what station you're watching. This was a "no flag" broadcast, so you won't see the Fox Sports Network logo (flag, that is) on my stick while I'm doing my stand-up at the top of the broadcast.

I've also learned a little something about TV time, where technical difficulties can belay the best of schedule intentions. Today, for example, we started almost two hours late because (as I get the story) some generator either failed to arrive or failed to work, so we were in a state of degeneration for quite some time. TV time is measured like this, folks: "Now means soon, soon means later, and later means never."

Nevertheless, we did get the show on the road, and with the tournament in the capable hands of floor director John Faratsis and tournament director Matt Savage, once we started moving we moved like clockwork. Once again, I was impressed by the play-by-play work of my partner (my senior partner, let there be no doubt) Barry Tompkins, who doesn't need to know much about poker in order to call a great game. He's a seasoned sportscaster, and I suspect that it wouldn't much matter whether he was calling poker or golf or hockey, boxing, quoits. He gets it right, first time and every time. Sitting in the second seat with him both spikes my learning curve and makes my job a helluva lot easier.

Well, gang, that's a snapshot of week two of the UBNPC. I know I'm short on details of the play of hands, but, again, that's just 'cause I don't want to kill the fun of the broadcast for you. If you're of a mind to play scavenger hunt, though, look for the play involving the 2 7 Ladies and gentlemen, that's how we play poker.

Oh, and not for nothing but there's still plenty of time for you to enter, compete, qualify and win. This is week two of six, and for the next four weeks all you have to do is log onto ultimatebet.net and jump into the fray. Having seen the winners up close and personal both last week and this, I can tell you that they're all admirable individuals, but they really don't have anything that you or I don't have. Well... maybe you, anyhow. Me, I'm too busy dealing with my stick and my flag to even think about playing poker.

More later, -jv

Report from the first week of the Ultimatebet.net Poker Challenge

Hey,

When they asked me to do the color commentary, I was delighted, thrilled, but also a little bit scared. I've done lots of wild things in my life -- I've been a mime, I've been Santa on stilts -- but I've done precious little TV work, and while I bluffed (I am a poker player after all) and said that I'd have no problem doing the job, the fact is that I was a little self-conscious going in. But Barry Tompkins, who does the play-by-play on the broadcast, made me feel right at home, and it wasn't long before I was tripping over my tongue with the best of them. 

I won't tell you who won this first round, because you might be reading this blog in advance of seeing the broadcast, and I'd hate to be a spoiler. But do check out the broadcast if you can. There was lots of quality play on display, and as poker goes (and poker television goes) it's really worth a look.

GET CARDS

GET CALLED

GET LUCKY

Nothing to it, right? Sure. Just like there's nothing to being a color commentator but sitting there with your hands behind your head spouting whatever nonsense comes to mind. (Oh, wait, that was exactly my strategy.) Well, I had my share of brain farts today, but I'm confident that by next week's broadcast I'll be much more smooth.

Speaking of next week's broadcast, you know who will be watching it intently? The winner of this week's broadcast. The structure of the tournament is such that he'll be able to see just about every hand his eventual competitor (or competitors, because he can repeat this during every qualifying week.) Not only that, he'll get to see the cards they hold, and correlate those holdings to their actions. It's a strategic brave new world out there, brought to you by Fox Sports Net and Ultimatebet.

Hey, there's much more I'd like to tell you about the tournament and the players, but they've just closed the cabin door and scolded slackers like me to turn off their computers and strap themselves in, so I have to wrap up this blog and post it.

Bottom line: The Ultimatebet.net Poker Challenge is a new kind of poker tournament where you don't have to be rich or famous to be on TV. It's kind of like the World Poker Tour meets American Idol except, thankfully, nobody sings. As TV goes, it's definitely worth checking out, and I suggest you do. I also suggest you take your shot at the qualifying tournament because, what the heck, your 15 minutes of fame may never be easier to snag. Finally, I hope you enjoy my participation in the broadcast. What can I say? Be gentle with me. It was my first time.

I'll be back next week with another tournament report, and of course I'll be at the World Series of Poker next month, blogging the main event. First, though, I have to go to Europe and back. I teach screenwriting over there, and I'd love to tell you all about that weird weirdness, but I'm getting the stink-eye from the flight attendant, and I really have to close now before they come and take away my compu--

UltimateBet.net Poker Challenge